I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
