You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
