The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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