Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
