i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
