Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
