Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
