if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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