My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
