this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Who died my cat blue again?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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