I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
