My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He is an equal opportunity slut.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
