I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
