he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
