nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
