He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
