You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
