did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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