so explain again why im purple
no
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
