Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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