he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
