i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
