just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
