Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
