For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
