At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
