Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
