so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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