ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
