I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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