Duck Duck Cougar?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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