I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
