honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
