I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
