People in love make me want to vomit
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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