TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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