He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Terrible idea I love it
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
