You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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