I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
