turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
