just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
