final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
