Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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