Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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