I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize