I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
