Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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