I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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