I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
