I'll bet she douches with gravy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
