I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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