You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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