You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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