Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
