His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize