wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
