Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
