Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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