plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
