So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
