I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize