My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
