thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
