So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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