So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
