guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
