Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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