When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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