I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
