His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
