I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
