that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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