I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
