i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
