I can text with my tongue
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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