cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Randomize
