Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
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