I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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