I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
