She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
