I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
