and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
