Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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