Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize