Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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