she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
