Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
