I never want to see another naked old woman again.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
