you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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