you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
