I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
