Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Michael Bay diarrhea
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Are we still banned from the library?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
