Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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