I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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