So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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