If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she looked like the before picture.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize