I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize