She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
