i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think I won the penis lottery.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
