its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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