Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
