I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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