hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
honey bunches of taint.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
