started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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