Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
