I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I have tasted many bathrooms
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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