just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
