Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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