I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
