you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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